


Finding Love

by forgetmenotjimmy



Series: Safe [3]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Gen, Idiots in Love, Light BDSM, Love Confessions, M/M, Matchmaking, Non-Sexual Submission, Swearing, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-01 12:39:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16765333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmenotjimmy/pseuds/forgetmenotjimmy
Summary: Sylvie realises that Matt and Kelly are in love with each other and resolves to get them together. Needless to say, this may take a while.





	1. I Bet You

“You love him.” Matt blinked, stomach dropping. He and Sylvie had been having coffee at her place, talking about how they were feeling generally about their arrangement. Whilst they talked over scenes which had ended badly or had elements they could improve on, it was nice to have a more complete assessment of their relationship: about what they liked and wanted to continue or try again. Sylvie had just brought up the idea of voyeurism as a potential avenue to explore and Matt’s brain had instantly supplied an image of Kelly staring hungrily at him. So as he’d been trying to come up with a coherent response, Sylvie had apparently read his mind.

“What? Who?” He recovered. To no avail, she just shook her head and clarified.

“You love Severide.” _How does she know?_ Matt had been living with this secret for years and no one had even come close to guessing. Maybe she didn’t mean what he thought she did. He tried responding casually.

“Yeah, well, we’re really close friends.” Sylvie tilted her head, unimpressed.

“Matt.” With a sigh, he realised that it was too late, she’d figured it out and she also knew him too well to be fooled. “Okay, you got me. I’m in love with him. Well done.”

“That’s not a bad thing.” He looked down at his half-empty cup and sighed.

“Oh, it isn’t?” Sylvie was no-nonsense as she replied.

“No and I’ll tell you why: I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” He raised an eyebrow.

“So have I…”

“No, the way he looks at you when you can’t see him.” Pushing his palms flat on the table to stop himself from fidgeting, Matt explained wearily.

“Sylvie, I’ve known Severide for almost 18 years. He’s straight, trust me.”

“Come on, Matt. Haven’t we said over and over labels don’t mean anything? And sometimes having an outside perspective-”

“Sylvie.”

“I would not be saying any of this if I wasn’t sure.” She twisted her lip. “I’ll bet on it.” His disbelieving stare didn’t wear her down and some deep part of him was responding to her confidence. He trusted her not to hurt him, why shouldn’t he trust her judgement in this? It sure beat another 10 or so years pining quietly as Severide slept his way through half of Chicago’s population. Reluctantly he said.

“I’m listening…”

“You test the water with Severide, tell him about us, or that guy you kissed in high school or about your curiosity about gay sex,” Matt made a face which Sylvie ignored, “something personal and I bet he’ll surprise you. I bet he’ll reciprocate or jump your bones, one of the two.” Face engine red, Matt muttered.

“No way _any_ of that is happening.”

“You don’t want to prove me wrong?”

“Oh no, that reverse psychology shtick isn’t going to work on me. I’m not agreeing to any of this.” Sylvie pouted and Matt just shook his head, laughing a little. “Does that ever work by the way?” She stared at him a second longer before taking a sip of her coffee and smirking a little.

“It already has worked.” At his questioning look she grinned. “Because when I asked about someone watching us just now, you were picturing Severide.” She _was_ a mind reader! Groaning, Matt put his forehead on the table and Sylvie giggled before patting him. “Chin up, kiddo. I’ve got a plan.” Rolling his head slightly so he could glare at her, Matt grumbled inaudibly as Sylvie daintily finished her coffee.

…

“You know I said I was going to a therapist?” Kelly nodded, taking another drink of his beer. They were sitting in a sports bar a couple of blocks from Sylvie’s place, not that Kelly knew that. Matt had given him some line about a 2 for 1 deal on Thursdays, which was true, even if that kind of thing didn’t usually dictate where they went out. Kelly was there though, so that didn’t matter. Matt breathed in deeply. “Well, it was kinda not true.” Kelly paused in putting down the bottle and Matt winced slightly. “A tiny, tiny, white lie.” Raised eyebrows showed him what Kelly thought of that. Matt sighed. “It is a little like therapy, not the typical couch and clipboard type…although we do use a couch-” Half-laughing at his friend beginning to ramble, Kelly interrupted.

“Casey. Just tell me.” Nodding, Matt blurted.

“You ever heard of BDSM?” Kelly choked on nothing and Matt waved his hands placatingly. “It’s not exactly, well it’s kinda like that but not will all the…” He was turning really red and the absurdity of his incoherent explanation forced a laugh from his confused audience.

“If you don’t want me to get the wrong idea, you should probably just start from the beginning.”

“Okay,” Matt breathed in and out a few times before continuing. “Well, basically, every month, we get together and erm, she…the thing is I find it relaxing to not have to make decisions, you know, let go and not have to worry about things so,” he coughed, “she comes over and uh, orders me around a little and it’s nothing,” his voice began to get hoarse, “sexual, just things like what to wear and...” He trailed off, worried about how Kelly wasn’t looking at him or responding at all. Matt gave him a minute before the suspense got to him. “Well? You gonna say something?” Kelly’s expression was unreadable as he asked.

“Why are you telling me this? I don’t wanna know how you get your rocks off.”

“I said it’s not-” But he was interrupted, Kelly snapping before reaching for his beer.

“It’s too much info, bro.” Matt’s shoulders slumped, watching as Kelly finished the bottle.

“Alright, I-” He gulped. “Sorry I said anything.” Kelly shuddered and stood up.

“I need another drink, get that picture out of my head.” Matt opened his mouth to ask what picture but then closed it again. Instead he watched Kelly go to the bar and took a long pull of his own beer, cursing his stupid idea. When Kelly came back with a scotch for both of them, neither mentioned it, talking about the upcoming hockey season. Until Kelly asked suddenly.

“Who even is this woman?” Seeing no reason to lie, Matt supplied cautiously.

“Sylvie.” Kelly just stared at him, before asking incredulously.

“Brett? Does she tie you up?”

“No!” Matt flushed bright red. “I thought you did want to know!”

“I don’t! But now I can’t stop thinking about it!”

“Well it’s not what you think. We just talk! I cook dinner and we talk.”

“It can’t just be that or you wouldn’t be making such a big deal about it!”

“I’m not! I just…it’s a part of me that no one else knows about and I thought…” Kelly waited, expression wavering between confusion and something else.

“You don’t want me to join in, do you?” Matt opened his mouth to reassure him that no, of course he didn’t, but no sound came out. Kelly pushed back from the table, looking alarmed. Matt found his voice just as Kelly stood up.

“Kelly, I would never…wait! Please.” Kelly paused. “Forget it, all of it, just pretend we never had this conversation.” Glancing away and then back, Kelly sighed.

“I’m going to need another drink.” Matt jumped up.

“This round’s on me, same again, yeah?” Kelly nodded and slowly returned to his seat. They managed to finish that round without mentioning it again, though there were some awkward silences. Matt headed to the metro after Kelly made his excuses and walked home. Matt did not point out the long walk and low temperatures, figuring that his friend needed the time to clear his head. _Damn._ He thought as he leant against the partition, head feeling heavy and light at the same time. He’d always been a lightweight, generally sticking to beer unless it was a special occasion. Now he felt dizzy and sick, the image Kelly’s disgust seared into his brain. _Fuck!_

…

Kelly arrived back at his flat no wiser for his relentless questioning of everything he knew about Matt Casey. Casey was the straightest guy he knew, both romantically and in his down-to-earth manner. How the Hell had he gotten mixed up with all of that…? And Sylvie Brett?! That was another shock. What the Hell was going on? Was everyone into this stuff except for him? The mental image of Mouch in leathers sprang into his mind and he shuddered, fumbling for his emergency bourbon. He took a pull straight from the bottle and winced at the burn even as he welcomed it. He almost took another sip but forced himself to put the bottle down again. Collapsing onto the couch, he put his head in his hands.

After the whole broken neck incident, he’d tried to be more honest with himself. The lies you told yourself were the worst kind after all; they had almost gotten him and his friends killed. So reluctantly, he remembered the way his cock had started twitching as Matt had stammered about following orders: the way his cheeks had flushed and he’d looked so damn earnest had inexplicably turned Kelly on. Kelly hadn’t been able to stop himself from picturing the blond kneeling at his feet, tied and flushed and begging to be touched. Here was Matt baring his soul and Kelly was getting hard like a dirty old man.

What was worse: his suspicion that Matt had been duped into something he really didn’t want. Though hard-as-nails and a commanding force on truck, Matt was really a big softie. Puppies and babies and people in distress were his weakness. More than one woman had tried to turn his head and empty his wallet over the years. His only saving grace being that he was usually in a relationship and didn’t seem to even notice other women.

But all this kinky stuff had apparently started after Gabby had left. Matt would have been hurting and vulnerable and why hadn’t Kelly kept a better eye on him? Was it because he had secretly been glad that the relationship had ended? It wasn’t obvious from watching them in public, but Kelly had lived with the couple for a few months and from what he’d seen and overheard, they were not the perfect couple everyone thought them to be. Small things could easily become big issues if Dawson didn’t get her way, or was in a mood. Whilst not a doormat per se, Kelly sensed that Matt would often concede to keep the peace, deliberately not mentioning things that might have been worrying or bothering him in case it upset his fiancée. Despite this, they seemed to be going strong; Dawson encouraging Casey to become an alderman and Casey doing all he could to help Dawson with the fostering of Louie.

The two friends had never been the type to share their deepest thoughts and feelings with each other, but Kelly had gotten the idea that Matt had kind of been relieved when Dawson had left as it was just one less responsibility and worry he had to deal with. Maybe he hadn’t been though. Maybe he’d taken it harder than he’d let on. That should not have been a surprise. Dammit. Well, Kelly could be a better friend now. He and Brett were going to have words…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So actually this is part 3, I'm terrible at writing in chronological order. When I finish it all I'll sort it. Not sure how many chapters yet, but probs won't be more than 4.  
> Rating may change.  
> Unbeta'd.  
> Let me know any feedback, thanks for reading!  
> :D


	2. Big Decision

Her phone was ringing. Sylvie groaned and batted ineffectually at the air. It stopped. Then it started ringing again. Grumbling, she pulled herself up and stared at the alarm clock. 2:06 am… _This had better be important_ , she thought as she reached for it, _or heads will roll_. Glancing at the caller ID, she straightened and answered, even though she didn’t feel awake enough.

“Severide? It’s two in the mo-”

“What have you done to him?” Wow, he was drunk and pissed off. She frowned, sitting up even more. Did she also hear fear in his voice? He didn’t wait for her to answer, barrelling on. “He was fine, he was _normal_ and then you come along and he’s all…I don’t even know what!” Pouring as much authority into her tone as possible, Sylvie cut across him.

“Severide! It is two o’clock in the morning and you are sauced. Go to sleep and we will talk about this in the morning.” There was a small sound from the other end but he didn’t answer. Then, the dial tone. Huffing, she put the phone back on the nightstand and sank back down. What had she gotten herself into? She closed her eyes and reminded herself that she was doing this for Matt, one of the sweetest, most generous souls she knew. A little disturbed sleep was by no means the limit of what she’d do to help him.

When she woke up again, at a decent time, she texted Severide and then went to shower. She definitely needed all her wits about her for this conversation. They met in a diner and sat quietly, waiting for Kelly’s coffee to bring his brain back up to normal functioning levels. Sylvie had been considering how to tackle the conversation on the ride over, thinking of all the ways she could say: 'make oit with him already' but she had re-evaluated after seeing the sorry, hungover Severide wincing at the bright lights.

Through her sessions with Matt and watching the pair at the firehouse, it was obvious that their feelings for the other went deeper than friendship. Whilst Matt had realised, come to terms and learned to live with his feelings many years before, Severide evidently had not. And she wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear it. Over the months, since they’d begun their arrangement, Sylvie had gotten to know Matt really well, but she wasn’t able to read Severide completely yet. Laying it all out there might push him further away. His back was already up about her arrangement with Matt, trying to make him open his eyes to his own feelings would probably end in tears. This called for the long game. First, she had to get him on board about the arrangement. Halfway through his coffee, he straightened up and squared his jaw at her. She cut in before he could open his mouth.

“First off, it’s not about sex or money or any other scam you might be thinking of.”

“Oh no?” Severide challenged, but Sylvie didn’t even bat an eye, continuing smoothly.

“No. All of it can be boiled down to two words: safe place. Everyone needs somewhere they can feel secure enough to express themselves. I know you’ve been friends a long time and he does tell you things, but, well, back slaps and handshakes can’t really compete with real affection.”

“I thought you said this wasn’t about sex.” Sylvie just lobbied him a look of intense pity and he held up his hands in surrender. She went on. “As you know, Matt is the nicest person in the world but only has a few close friends. In fact, I could count them on two, maybe three fingers. He’s not that close to his family and he’s between relationships right now. This thing we do, it’s about him having a time and place and person he can confide in or just get some comfort. What exactly we do doesn’t matter, that’s essentially what it means to him.” Severide digested this and Sylvie was glad to see that he wasn’t dismissing what she was saying out of hand. Finally, he asked a little grumpily.

“Okay, but why did he have to tell me?”

“It’s good for him but sometimes it still feels weird. He trusts you and your opinion matters to him. If you can accept that part of him then I know he’d feel a lot better about it.” Severide sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead.

“I just…I don’t understand.”

“Well, come and watch then.” He did a double take.

“What?”

“See for yourself that it’s nothing to worry about. I know Matt can be a bleeding heart sometimes, but he does have a sense of self-worth.” She considered and then added. “It’s nowhere near as big as it should be but it does exist.” Severide’s mouth was hanging open.

“What if…?” He coughed and forced himself on. “What if I’m worried about my reaction.” She raised an eyebrow.

“You think you won’t be able to handle it?” At his shifty look, she realised and added knowingly. “Or you’ll enjoy it.” He flinched, mouth open to deny it, but she just rolled over any protests. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of…” She hesitated but then decided that Matt wouldn’t kill her for revealing: “I don’t think you’d get any complaints from him, if you did get aroused.” Kelly’s mouth remained open for a few seconds before he recovered.

“Uh…okay?” 

“Okay. So, tonight?” Sylvie flagged the waitress and paid the bill whilst Severide was still floundering for an answer. She smiled sweetly and got up. “I’ll text you the details.” She didn’t have to look back to know he was staring after her, perhaps with a little helplessness in his expression. This was an excellent development. Even if Severide didn't realise the extend of his feelings for Matt, he'd obviously been aroused by him in the past. Now she just had to work out a way to turn this sexual interest into a confession of love. Smirking, she texted Matt and laid her plans.

…

To say that everyone was nervous was an understatement. Matt had made more dinner than usual, Sylvie hoping that the familiar routine would sooth his nerves and a relaxed meal would help mellow Severide out before they got started. The fact that she smelled burning as Matt opened the door, looking a little frazzled, was not encouraging. He pre-empted her question.

“It’s just the bread rolls, the casserole is fine.” She smiled reassuringly.

“Then you can stop worrying so much, right?” Giving her the sassiest look a sub had ever sent her way, Matt made to go back to the kitchen but then remembered himself and took her coat. Following him to the coat rack, she caught him as he turned around, taking his hands and squeezing. “Breathe, it’s going to be okay.” He closed his eyes and whispered.

“What if it’s not?”

“Matt, your friendship has survived a lot of challenges. I doubt that _this_ will be the thing to break it.” Swallowing thickly, he nodded and then the doorbell went.

“Oh God.” Sylvie patted him on the shoulder.

“Happy thoughts!” She parked herself on the couch as he answered the door, knowing that he’d feel bad if she tried to help with anything. Kelly loped in, Matt following awkwardly, obviously wanting to take his coat but too embarrassed to ask. He sent Sylvie a helpless look and she smiled.

“Matt, do you mind if I have a word with Kelly for a minute?” Getting the idea, Matt shook his head and retreated to the kitchen. When they were alone, she said in a low, serious voice. “You’re entitled to think or feel however you do to this, but please, don’t make fun of him. Even teasing him when he’s like this might be more than he can handle.” Kelly looked offended but stopped himself from voicing it, instead replying.

“You don’t have to tell me.” He hesitated and then asked. “Kelly?” She smiled then.

“If there’s ever a time to be on a first-name basis, this is it.” Matt chose than moment to return, announcing shyly:

“It’s ready.”

At first, the conversation at dinner was strained. They managed some compliments of the food ad Sylvie asked for some stories from before she arrived at 51. Matt explained enthusiastically and Kelly interjected every so often, adding clarification or filling in the gaps in Matt’s memory. After a few stories, they all started to relax and the time passed more quickly. Once the dishes were cleared away, Sylvie took the floor.

“So we have some rules for this. For the sake of simplicity – and as you’re only going to watch – all you need to know it that when Matt says ‘ready’, the scene begins and when I say ‘time to wake up’ it ends. If either of us says ‘fuego’ then we stop immediately and talk about what happened. Clear?” Kelly nodded and satisfied, Sylvie directed them to the living room. Kelly took one of the armchairs and watched warily as Matt spread out a blanket by the couch. Sylvie returned from the kitchen and decidedly not looking Kelly’s way, Matt sank to his knees. In turn, Kelly didn’t look directly at the scene, keeping his gaze averted by still focused enough to know what they were doing.

“Ready.” Matt said so quietly Kelly almost didn’t hear him. Sylvie smiled softly.

“You sure?” He nodded and her smile widened, instructing. “Hands.” As Matt put his hands behind his back, Kelly shifted in his seat but didn’t say anything. Sylvie showed them a chocolate mousse dessert. “You want some?”

“Yes, please.” Matt’s voice had softened, Kelly noted. Soon there was only the scrape of the spoon against the pot as Sylvie fed Matt. Kelly could tell that they’d done it before: something about the easy, unhurried rhythm of Sylvie loading a spoonful and holding it far out enough for Matt to lean in comfortably and eat it. Kelly looked down at his hands and tried to subtly slow his heart rate, which had jumped at the scene in front of him. From what he could see of Matt’s face and body, he was relaxed, perhaps the most relaxed he’d seen him except for the two occasions in which Matt had been blackout drunk. Mousse finished, Sylvie cupped Matt’s face.

“Do you need to talk?” Matt hesitated before replying carefully.

“I don’t need to talk about anything…”

“But you want to.” Kelly found himself leaning in.

“There was a pregnant woman at the store a few days ago.” Sylvie’s face softened in sympathy and she moved her hand up to his temple. Kelly blinked, none the wiser until Matt continued. “She started to experience pain so me and the manager got her to sit down while she called her husband to take her to the doctor. Then she started bleeding and…” he trailed off. Sylvie continued stroking his hair in silence as Kelly kicked himself for forgetting Dawson’s miscarriage. It hadn’t been that long ago but so much had happened since and Matt had made such a habit of not showing any hints of his deep personal hurts that it had slipped his mind. “We called an ambo and they took her to Lakeshore before the husband arrived.” Matt’s voice was thick with pain as he went on. “He asked me if the baby was alright and I couldn’t even answer, couldn’t even give him the standard spiel.” Trembling slightly, he leaned into Sylvie’s soothing hands and she pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Up.” Stiffly, he got up off the blanket and passed it to her before settling down on the couch. She wrapped it around them and laid his head against her shoulder. Matt didn’t shed any tears or say anything else but Kelly could visibly see the relief and comfort on his face as he lay there. Seeing the pair sitting on the couch, curled together, made something stir in his chest.

And then, without warning, Kelly missed Shay so bad it was like a punch to the gut. He flinched, his eyes beginning to burn as he turned away from the painfully familiar tableau. Though he’d tried not to be noticed, he must have made a sound or something because suddenly Matt was kneeling in front of him, expression all too knowing. Kelly hid his face in his hands and sobbed. Vaguely, he sensed movement around him and then he was being pulled into a warm embrace, something soft being draped over his shoulders. Time passed and as his pain faded, Shay’s voice echoed in his head.

_Come on, slow poke! Get over it already, you’ve still got a life to live._

Composing himself, he realised that Matt was talking somewhere above his head.

“…and then Severide just _had_ to do it too.” Someone giggled. “So they’re both flipping through this karaoke book, drunker than fish in water,” he recognised that tone Matt had when he was highly amused, “so drunk that they couldn’t even read the song titles. They ended up choosing some 70s disco track no one had ever heard of!”

“Oh God, I can imagine!” Sylvie interjected, voice quiet but bubbling with laughter.

“It gets better! So they make it up to the stage and there’s only one microphone, so of course they fight over it. Now Andy was about the same size as Severide and they were both equally drunk but-”

“Andy fought dirty.” If they were surprised at his interjection, neither showed it. Matt just grinned down at him.

“Sore loser.” Kelly protested, struggling to sit up and making Matt and Sylvie giggle as they were all jostled where they were perched on the arms of the chair.

“I still say that I gave the best performance of the night.” He leant in and stage whispered to Sylvie. “You’ve never heard Casey murdering cats.” Matt laughed good-naturedly.

“I never claimed I could sing!” Kelly grinned.

“It’s a good thing you’re a looker Case, you’d never pull from your singing or moves any time soon.” At this, Matt and Sylvie inexplicably shared a look, Sylvie beginning to grin widely.

“Should we show him?” Matt blushed, looking reluctant but not refusing. Sylvie stood and held out a hand. “He’s just challenged your honour! Don’t tell me you don’t want to prove him wrong.” Kelly was confused but also intrigued. Another secret? This time he wasn’t concerned though, Sylvie had proved that she could be trusted to look after his friend and Matt had proved more than capable of protecting himself. After another moment’s hesitation, Matt was pulled to his feet and Sylvie put her phone in the speaker stand. A brass band began to play and to Kelly’s surprise, the pair began to waltz. It wasn’t the smoothest he’d ever seen, and it was obvious that Matt was self-conscious, but it was a Hell of a lot better than he’d expected. Half-way through, Matt had loosened up some and he even started smiling. Kelly couldn’t help but smile too. He wondered what else he didn't know about his old friend and suddenly he wanted to find out. The song ended and Kelly gave rapturous applause, even whistling, which made the pair laugh. As they moved to sit down, he raised his hands in surrender.

“I stand corrected.” Matt rolled his eyes.

“You don’t have to humor me; I still can’t dance.” Sylvie hit him lightly on the arm.

“What do you call what we just did?” Kelly joined in.

“It looked like dancing from where I was sitting.”

“So shush.” Sylvie concluded firmly. Matt still didn’t look convinced but didn’t argue. Sylvie became serious, turning to Kelly. “Usually after a strong emotional reaction, we talk about it. As you and I haven’t entered into an agreement, I won’t ask you to. But if you need to, we’re here.” Kelly ducked his head and Matt murmured.

“I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve…had a strong emotional reaction.” Partly to avoid talking about it and partly because it needed to be said, Kelly started.

“I get it now. Sorry I shot my mouth off, to both of you.” Matt smiled.

“It’s okay, I didn’t really understand it myself at first.”

“So…now what?” Sylvie stepped in as Matt looked a little lost.

“That depends on you.” She exchanged a quick look with Matt before continuing. “If you’re not interested in joining us, then that’s that and we don’t need to talk any further, but if you are interested, then that’s a conversation we can have.” Kelly glanced at Matt, who was watching him apprehensively. Not for the first time, Kelly had no clue what to do. Once again, Sylvie saved him. “Don’t answer now. Go home and think it over; take as much time as you need.” Matt nodded earnestly and Kelly agreed.

“Okay, I’m gonna head now then.” Matt walked him to the door.

“No pressure, I mean it. I don’t want this to come between us.” Kelly couldn’t help but think _too late for that,_ but he just nodded. “And uh,” Matt went on, “if you need to talk about anything else…” Absurdly grateful, Kelly just swallowed and patted Matt on the arm. He left and got into his car. Woah, what a night and it was barely 11. He had a big decision to make, that was for sure.


	3. To Protect and Love

Sylvie stayed over that night, correctly predicting that Matt might need some support. Whilst she didn’t want things to be weird between her and Severide, he was so much more important to Matt. The poor guy tossed and turned until Sylvie declared it useless and dragged him to the couch, putting on a cheesy sports movie for them to stare at. Between them they managed perhaps a few hours before dawn hit.

“Got shift tomorrow.” Matt murmured after Sylvie stirred. She hummed in agreement, adding.

“He probably won’t have decided by then.” Matt groaned and burrowed deeper into the blankets.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” Too tired to be the pillar of strength, Sylvie just stroked his hair sympathetically.

“Don’t worry. It actually went a lot better than I was expecting.” Matt sighed and agreed sleepily. Eventually, they left the warm nest of blankets and went their separate ways: Matt to do a quote and Sylvie to her writing class.

…

As predicted, Kelly hadn’t made a decision by next shift: afraid of making the wrong choice, afraid of his own desires. Sylvie had told him that Matt wouldn’t be averse to his arousal during a scene, but Kelly hadn’t had the courage to ask his friend directly. What if she was wrong? What if he ruined not only their friendship but this thing Matt had going on with Sylvie? It was one thing to be turned on by the picture of his friend on his knees but quite another to join in. What would that even look like? He had no clue. He really needed some advice. God he missed Shay. She’d know what to do. For a minute, he imagined what she’d have said.

_What are you waiting around for? Go get your man, Kelly! Jeez!_

If anything, the reminder that she wasn’t there anymore was a spur enough. Who knew what each call would bring them? This is Matt, not a collapsing building. Decision made, he squared his jaw and strode over to Casey’s office. He knocked and opened the door, Casey looking both professional and nervous. Kelly decided to keep it short.

“I’m in.” Casey blinked, his mouth handing open before he managed.

“Okay. We’ll talk after shift.” Kelly nodded and backed out, closing the door. If he’d lingered, he would have spotted Matt’s goofy grin.

…

First things first, they had to establish what everyone wanted from participating, their limits and their expectations. Sylvie was the most experienced and told them that it took time to learn how to properly submit or dominate. Matt had already learned to submit to her, but she had a particular style and specific demands. Another Dom, especially a new one, would be different and would require a different approach. You couldn’t fast forward to a stable, happy relationship, let alone a dom/sub relationship. It would require patience and practice and a lot of talking. Both men barely supressed their groans at that.

When Sylvie and Matt had first entered into their agreement, they’d both filed out lists which showed the things they were interested in, not interested in and willing to try (with ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘curious’ columns). Over the months, they had gone back and adjusted them as they’d tried things. Blindfolds, animal play and living furniture – ‘I enjoyed being a table as much as I expected’, Matt had commented dryly – all had been moved to the ‘no’ column, whereas partial nudity and light bondage had been moved to the ‘yes’ column. Sylvie had suggested that they go through the lists together. Matt blushed harder than ever as they went through them, Sylvie telling him to update his own list to accommodate Kelly’s involvement. The fact that quite a few items were moved to the ‘curious’ column didn’t escape her notice, even if Sylvie was too polite to draw attention to it.

It was agreed that for the first few scenes, Kelly would mostly be observing, having a limited role. This would allow all of them to get used to his presence and also for him to get a feel for the scenes and how they worked. Sessions were upped to twice a month and Sylvie insisted on meeting between sessions to discuss potential issues and express feelings. Kelly was predictably resistant to this but Matt talked him round, explaining how it wasn’t like all of his soul would be exposed and judged – he’d only be sharing part of his emotions to people who understood.

“It’ll always be hard for me,” he said, “but it’s worth it. I promise you that.”

By the end of the third session together, everyone had stopped blushing and Kelly had joined in stroking Matt’s hair which he blond was extremely happy about. On one occasion in which he was lying across both their laps, seemingly dead to the world, Sylvie commented contemplatively.

“Sometimes he’s such a puppy dog but when he’s like this, he’s like a big blond jungle cat.” Kelly tilted his head, he could definitely see it: sleepy affection hiding tightly contained power. He ventured.

“Matt?” The big cat hummed in answer and the two Doms smiled.

“He’s so different like this, so at peace almost.” Sylvie watched Kelly’s dopey smile out of the corner of her eye and mentally crossed her fingers. She loved her time with Matt, but he didn’t belong to her and if he could find everything he needed in Kelly…Well, she hoped that it all worked out.

Soon they called it a night and bundled the sleepy cat into bed.

…

Later on, Sylvie gave Kelly some Dom masterclasses, one-one sessions where she explained common concepts and good tips.

“Most of the things you learn or understand better through experience, but it’s good to be aware of them now.” She impressed upon him the depth of the impact his actions could have on Matt, especially when he was in subspace and everything was heightened. Words and even gestures would be interpreted in a number of ways. Knowing more than a little of Matt’s difficult past, Kelly didn’t need to be told to tread lightly and monitor him closely for signs of distress or discomfort. No one was going to hurt his friend again, especially not himself. He reassured Sylvie.

“I know he thinks I might get bored – I’m not exactly known for my attention-span – but I’m serious about this.” Kelly also knew that words wouldn’t reassure Matt, who’d learned through painful experience how little they could mean. The thing was, Kelly was afraid too. He was afraid that he _would_ get bored or lose interest. He knew that this was all new and exciting, but it was also a commitment. After Renée, opening up his heart was difficult for him. Matt was his closest friend, he’d known him for so long and couldn’t imagine life without him. But did that really translate to committing to…whatever this would turn into? It was too personal a fear to share with Sylvie, who he respected but didn’t know too well, so he kept it deep down inside him. He was just going to ride this out and try as hard as he could to do right by his friend.

Sylvie also recommended some good books and videos which explained things in more detail. It was the most studying he’d done since his squad certifications but he didn’t complain about a minute of it. This was too important to half-ass.

In one of the talk sessions, Matt had admitted shyly to Kelly.

“I want to try some new things with you…some er, more…sexual things.” Kelly wet his lips and croaked.

“Okay.” Matt looked surprised but regained his composure quickly.

“Okay.” He cleared his throat. “This doesn’t have to get weird.” Kelly nodded.

“Course not. It’d just be like…uh, a circle jerk.” Matt agreed seriously and Sylvie hid her smile behind a hand.

Finally, Kelly felt ready to lead a scene and so a fat was set and parameters established. It was on.

…

They’d decided to stick to the usual routine with Sylvie observing in case of problems. It went smoothly until Matt got down on his knees in front of Kelly. Although used to the sight, it was so much more powerful when it was just for him. Matt stared up at him, breathing a little heavier, pupils dilated slightly.

“Ready.” He breathed and Kelly took a moment to remember what that meant. He swallowed. Matt was counting on him to get this right. Clearing his throat, he ordered.

“Hands.” Matt obeyed instantly, lips parting a little, distracting Kelly from checking his positioning. Eventually, he made it through his mental checklist and then he cupped Matt’s face. The size of his hand meant that his thumb landed over Matt’s lips. Carefully, he slid it to rest on the corner of Matt’s mouth, which opened more, eyelids fluttering. Huskily, Kelly asked. “Do you need to talk?”

“No, sir.” Holding back a groan, Kelly just stared down at his sub. He’d never felt so possessive about anyone before. The emotion triggered a revelation: he was never going to tired of this. He was going to stay with this amazing man as long as he could; protect him and take care of him and lo... Realising that he’d just been staring, he snapped himself out of his reverie, snaking his hands down to the hem of Matt’s T-shirt and lifting it up and over his head. Matt shivered as the material fell around his wrists but didn’t move otherwise. Kelly returned his hand to the side of Matt’s face and slowly, he ran his thumb over those plump lips, stopping halfway along the bottom lip and pressing down. Their breathing was audible now. Heart fluttering, Kelly pushed his thumb into the open, waiting mouth.

“Suck.” He ordered and had to clench his jaw to keep from crying out in pleasure as Matt obeyed him. Thumb thoroughly wetted, he flicked an exposed nipple and raised an eyebrow as Matt jerked. “Hold still.” Pupils blown wide, Matt panted and nodded, getting back to position. Once he’d regained composure, Kelly began testing his control: pinching and stroking and generally fondling his nipples and pecks. Obviously sensitive but determined, his sub’s muscles clenched and he bit his lip as he fought to stay in position. Impressed, Kelly praised him and drank in the glow which spread across his upturned face. Eventually, it became too much for his own control and Kelly broke off to palm himself through his jeans. Matt whined at the sight of it. Belatedly remembering Sylvie was still in the corner, Kelly reluctantly decided to stop there. “How’re you doing? Knees okay?” Still breathless, Matt whispered.

“Yessir.”

“Arms?” Considering, Matt admitted softly.

“A little tingly.” Kelly smiled and leaned forward, kissing the corner of his mouth.

“Can you wriggle yourself free?” With little effort, Matt managed to free himself, bringing the tee in front of him. Smirking, Kelly took it off him. “Think I’ll keep this for now.” He cupped Matt’s face, unable to stop himself from murmuring. “You’re so beautiful.” Matt’s eyes fluttered shut as he leant into the touch. After a long moment, Kelly ordered him up beside him on the couch and wrapped them both in the blanket. They lay like that, Kelly’s fingers running lazily through soft blond hair, until well after his arousal had faded. Reluctantly, he said. “Time to wake up now.” Yawning, Matt sat up and blushed, clearing his throat. Sylvie smirked from across the room.

“Well, I don’t think you need my help anymore.” Matt recovered his tee and Sylvie took her leave, murmuring to Kelly. “You might want to have a talk before you go…if you go.” Flushing a little at her insinuation, he saw her to the door and ended up staring at the wood for a few minutes, mind racing.

She was right, they needed to talk. However much the thought worried him.

“Kelly?” Matt’s voice floated to him from the living room. Swallowing, Kelly squared his shoulders and went back. Together, they’d work it out.


	4. Forever

Matt made them coffee as Kelly unloaded the dishwasher. They sat at the dinner table, as if the firm wood between them would discourage any funny business. Diving in, because how else were they going to do this whilst they were still young?, Kelly said bluntly.

“I want to keep doing this. As long as you’re in, so am I.” Blinking rapidly, Matt swallowed thickly.

“I want to be with you. With this extra stuff or not or just me and you…I don’t care. I…” He gulped. “I love you.” Kelly was stunned. He gaped and struggled to grasp the concept. Matt watched him warily, fingers fidgeting, scratching at the table. Finally, Kelly managed.

“Since when?” Blushing, Matt scratched the back of his head.

“Can we just leave it at ‘an embarrassingly long time’?” Barking a laugh, Kelly shook his head and began carefully.

“Look, this…” He waved his arms a little to encompass “…this is all so new to me and I think it’s gonna take me a while to catch up.” Nodding, Matt pressed his lips together to repress any protests or comments. “But Matt, I will get there.”

“You don’t know that-”

“Oh, I think I do. I’m not sure how but all of this makes sense.” His smile softened into one Matt had never seen before. His breath caught and he almost missed it as Kelly went on. “Maybe I don’t have all the details worked out but I wanna be with you too. Maybe it’s all I know right now, but it’s true.”

“Okay. So…maybe we can take it slow?” Kelly nodded and stood, walking round to the other side of the table. Matt looked up at him, heart beginning to race as he recognised that look. Before he could consider also standing up, Kelly swooped down and kissed him full on the lips. Eyes closing, Matt brought a hand up to hold Kelly’s jaw, keeping him locked in. They stayed like that a long moment, before pulling apart almost reluctantly. Impulsively, Matt pulled down Kelly to straddle one of his thighs. This startled a rare giggle from the man, which Matt just grinned at.

“There’s just one thing.” Kelly admitted slowly after he’d recovered. “I have no idea how to…” He coughed. “You know…”

“Have gay sex?” Kelly ducked his head, retrieving his mug to delay having to say anything. As practical as ever, Matt said calmly. “We’ll work it out somehow.” Then he tilted his head back and mused as Kelly took a sip of his drink. “Maybe Sylvie has a dildo we can borrow.” Kelly spat out his coffee as Matt laughed at him, eyes dancing.

…

For the first few weeks, they decided to put doing scenes on hold; navigating a new relationship was hard enough without the added element of dom/sub scenes. Instead they spent all their free time getting to know each other’s romantic and sexual sides. Matt learnt that Kelly had been secretly checking out his ass for a long time, only now he let Matt catch him at it. The act of noticing the lingering and appreciative stare often lead to a more thorough investigation which left both of them gasping. Kelly learnt that Matt turned into a limpet in his sleep. When he’d teased the man about it, Matt had claimed it came from his hatred of the cold, but Kelly secretly thought it was more to do his fear of losing people. It was sometimes annoying if he needed to get up, but mostly, if he woke in the middle of the night, he’d relish Matt’s strong arms around him and warm breath on his skin.

The first shift after they’d gotten together had been a typical shift. Matt had always worried about Kelly on calls so the fear he felt as he lost sight of his man wasn’t new. He’d managed to shove it down as normal and continue on. They discussed it afterwards and Kelly had mentioned feeling the same way. Deciding for now to keep it between themselves - and Sylvie of course - they acted normally around the firehouse and Molly's. There would be time to figure out everything else once they'd reached an equilibrium between each other.

…

Their first scene alone was almost a disaster. Kelly had planned some topless activities after the success of their last time with Sylvie but the heating was on the fritz. He joked that maybe he should make Matt fix it in the buff – a highly effective motivator for Matt and a stirring visual for himself – but after Matt had taken a look, he’d confirmed that it was beyond his skills. Reluctantly, they called for a professional and were told that it would be a few hours before anyone could get there. Loath to waste time and also impatient to start, they decided to do a mini-scene. As Matt had finally gotten the hang of giving blowjobs, his Dom decided to put it to good use.

Matt was on his knees, Kelly on the couch: both wrapped in blankets. Kelly really put Matt through his paces, ordering him to lick and suck and take it in all the way until he couldn’t take it anymore and unloaded into the rubber. He panted, feeling overly hot under his blanket and rubbed the side of Matt’s face clumsily.

“Good job.” Out of breath and rosy-cheeked, Matt only closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. As Kelly’s coordination improved, he pinched Matt’s right earlobe, where he was particularly sensitive. Sure enough, Matt gasped and his eyes shot open: pupils wide, lips parting, whole body tensing. Smirking, Kelly used a socked-foot to probe Matt’s groin. He found his prize, pressing against the stiff cock underneath the blankets. Matt cried desperately.

“Sir!”

“You close?”

“Mmm…yeah.”

“You’re that hot for me, huh?” His foot pressed a little harder.

“Yes, sir-uuuh!” To Kelly’s astonishment, Matt started to cum in his pants. Always a sexy sight, it was enhanced by the knowledge that all it had taken was a little pressure, a tug on his ear and worshipping his Dom’s cock. Despite having cum a few minutes previous, Kelly’s cock twitched in interest. But the arousal was underlined by concern. One of their agreed rules was that Matt would need explicit permission to cum, which he hadn’t received. Once he’d recovered, Matt had begun stuttering apologies but before Kelly could even react, there was a knock on the door. Both men froze, Matt going white as a sheet.

“Go to your room.” Kelly ordered without thinking and Matt stumbled up. Discarding the condom and straightening his clothes as best he could, Kelly went to greet the maintenance guy. He did his best to act normal, agonisingly aware of the wet patch in his boxers where he’d been too hasty getting up. Luckily it turned out just to be a matter of replacing a faulty part, something that could be done in 10 minutes. As the guy was doing it, Kelly slinked away to the bedroom, nervous at what state his sub would be in.

“Matt?” The sight which met him just about broke his heart. Matt was kneeling on the floor beside the bed, still wrapped in the blankets. Kelly noted that when his eyes were red when he glanced up fearfully. He never wanted his boy to look at him that way again. He knelt down and gently took Matt’s face in his hands. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. I promise.” Still very aware of the man down the hall, he whispered. “Wake up now.” But Matt continued trembling, reaching out and clinging to Kelly’s blanket as he made to get up. Guilt eating him, Kelly pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Okay, how about you start running a nice hot bath? I’ll join you in a minute.” Still looking fragile, Matt nodded and let go reluctantly. Kelly saw him into the en suite and then waddled back to the tech.

Finally, the boiler was fixed and he shut the front door on the man. Hurrying back to the en suite he saw Matt standing just inside the door, watching the tub fill up. He looked up worriedly, so Kelly kept his voice gentle. “Good job, bud.” Shoulder relaxing slightly, Matt still moved stiffly as Kelly helped him undress. The apartment was beginning to warm up but it was still a relief to slip into the hot, bubbly water. Kelly got in first and arranged Matt on top of him, hugging him back to chest and not thinking about how the bath had been chosen for Matt to use it with someone else. Leaning his cheek against Matt’s temple, he asked softly.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” There was a beat before Matt whispered.

“I’m sorry. I messed up.” Taking one of his sub’s hands in his, Kelly squeezed and forced his voice to remain light and breezy.

“How do you think that you messed up?” Matt shifted slightly. From his position, Kelly couldn’t see his face so had to rely on reading his tone and the tension in his back.

“I…I came without permission, sir.” Kelly hummed.

“It’s true that we agreed that you need my permission to cum in a scene.” Matt shrank further into himself. “But what else did we say? About punishment.”

“There wouldn’t be any.”

“That’s right. We’re both new to this and we’re gonna make mistakes. So if we don’t get something right, we’ll just keep practising until we do.” Matt was quiet for a minute before asking timidly.

“So…you still want to be with me?” Kelly’s heart splinted.

“Matt, Matty…look at me.” They shifted so Matt was straddling him. Kelly lifted his chin gently, found his gaze and held it.

“I’m sorry bud, you are so stuck with me. No chance now. Can’t get away.” Matt began to smile a little. “No matter what, I’m gonna be here.” He pressed a kiss to Matt’s brow and whispered fiercely. “No matter what.” Matt kissed him then, wrapping his arms around his neck and leaning in as far as physically possible. They stayed like that until the water started to cool and then they washed quickly. Drying and readying for bed with the efficiency only firefighters knew, it went without saying that Kelly would stay the night. They lay down facing each other, Matt snuggling into Kelly’s chest, head tucked into his shoulder. Kelly rubbed his lover’s back and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Safe and warm, Matt dropped off fairly quickly but Kelly lay awake long into the night. Thinking.

…

Though ashamed to have to ask for help after only his first scene, Kelly didn’t let his pride get in the way of the best course of action: he called Sylvie. He explained what had happened and they had a long conversation about learning curves and Doms needing to be careful with self-care too. He was allowed to feel anxious about things and ask questions.

“So stop beating yourself up already!” She’d half-ordered him. Throughout their talk, she encouraged him to discuss his fears with Matt: their relationship was a two-way street. No point in only one of them being free to express themselves. Also, she recommended they get back on the horse, do a scene with elements they knew they could predict and control to a large extent, to re-establish confidence for both of them.

Gratefully, he took on her advice, knowing he would be a fool not to take advantage of all her experience and knowledge. Hopefully, he’d be able to put it to good use in looking after Matt. Not long after he said goodbye to his mentor, he went round to see Matt and they talked as well. It was good to confirm they were on the same page and the strangeness of their emotional openness made them laugh a little.

They had a lot of practising to do but as long as they were doing it together, neither minded. 

…

“I think we need to tell Boden.” Kelly reluctantly pulled himself back from the edge of sleep and rolled his head around to look down at Matt, who was tucked under one of his arms. They were shirtless with only a light sheet covering them in deference to the warmer weather.

It had been over four months since they’d gotten together and they’d cultivated a familiar style of romantic relationship with added bdsmery; going to dinner, teasing each other, making out on the couch in the middle of the afternoon like teenagers, doing scenes on off-shift days, spending nights in front of the TV, wrapped up in bed and each other at night and in the morning. Though navigating the intense and tricky world of gay sex had offered some memorable moments –both good and not so good; they’d pretty much gotten the hang of it and had discovered what they liked and didn’t like. There would always be new things to try and even though they’d grown comfortable with and knowledgeable about each other’s bodies, they hadn’t gotten bored. Kelly grinned to himself sometimes, almost giddy with the certainty that they never would.

Currently, Kelly was feeling little warmer than was comfortable, but he wouldn’t have Matt move for anything.

“What would we tell him?” They’d managed to keep their new relationship a secret so far, but as they’d grown comfortable with it, the question of what to do at work had started coming up in their discussions.

“Well, that we’re together.” Lightly running his finger over Matt’s forearm, Kelly argued.

“Nothing’s changed at work. Wouldn’t telling him just make him worry?”

“Okay, it only technically matters when Boden isn’t at a scene so one of us in charge of the other and it we’ve been fine so far but…I don’t want to have to sneak around or lie…”

“What? You wanna make out in the turnout room?” Eyes sparkling, Matt licked the nearest nipple and asked laughingly over Kelly’s surprised gasp.

“Is that a trick question?” Grabbing Matt’s ass and pulling him down on top of him properly, Kelly growled.

“I’m deadly serious.” Matt groaned and bent down to give his partner a bruising kiss. Pulling away he rasped.

“I wanna kiss you all the time.” Kelly rolled them so he was on top, grinding down and swallowing Matt’s moans with passionate kisses.

“Okay.”

“Huh?” Matt grunted, half-forgetting what they’d been talking about. Grin softening as he pulled back, Kelly said quietly.

“We’ll tell him that we’re together.” Smile turning radiant, Matt peppered kisses on his love’s face and after they’d properly ‘celebrated’ the decision, they fell asleep wrapped up in each other.

Safe and happy and loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of the main arc. (I might do one-shots in this universe again if the muse takes me.) I'm still working on Part 1 (aka: how all this began) and I have a few more fic ideas cooking so hope to post again soon.  
> Thanks so much for reading and all the comments, they mean a lot!  
> :D


End file.
